not yet

October is nearly over, and I am not yet employed. I have to admit that my trying is pretty half hearted, I just want “anything” and not any one thing, which I do realize is totally backward. I am not going to be able to settle for “anything” and have to be specific and DO something.

**sigh** ah well. At least I am able to be specific now without the girls living here with me.

My Ma nearly made me insane today, she got into the “normal” mode and moved everything around and about, without regard to the fact that I live here too. She does this, and then wonders why I do not sit with her downstairs ~ um… DUH??!!??

Um… HELLO? **does the knock on forehead thing** I can not keep my handwork any place handy down there, I have to carry it up and down the stairs. I can not leave my dog toys and things down there, I have to carry them up and down the stairs. I can not have my dogs on the rug, because they shed, (sorry, not to good at levitating things any more) and you don’t like how I vacuum…

I can not eat while sitting on the couch, because you have to have the telly at decibels that deafen my ears worse than they already are. Oh, and you have covered the tray tables with extraneous crap, so I have to set my food in my lap, which always ends in you being mad at me because I have dropped something on my jeans…

Which brings me to the point where I must ask… as you don’t like anything I do, why should I want sit with you at all?? Talk to you? Take the time to say hello, and ask about your day? Why, why, why??

Do you not understand that this is merely a small stopping place in my life to sort and toss, and figure out where it is I want to go from here? That I will not be here forever? That you are driving me away on a daily basis with your uncaring actions?

**sigh** of course you don’t. No one exists in this world except you. you and only you have feelings, and needs and whatever else crap that the psycho analyzer types say there is…

**shrug** ah well. So it goes. My mom is pretty clueless, and she will end up alone. I was the only one that could stand her, but that is rapidly coming to an end.

I am nearly fed up.. but not yet. I have a few things to get done, THEN I am gone.

:) I can do this… it isn’t time to go… not yet.

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