Becoming accustomed


Having a hard time getting going this morning, I am not exactly sure as to why.

Theory would say that it is because I didn’t do much for myself yesterday… which always makes me feel as though I have forgotten something.

Yeah, I know. That is weird. But… think on it. I have spent the last 27 years of my life taking care of children. I lost myself in them, to the point where I could not do anything that would have been good for me. Oh, I started things, but there was always something that made me set it aside… yes, that is the excuse.

But ~ what else did I know how to do?

Nothing. That is/was the accepted norm for my generation. Only a few of “us” managed to get out of what was normal, and most of us are only doing so now that the children are grown and gone.

Like me ~ even though I do not exactly know what it is I want to do.

Too many things I suppose…computers, writing, screenplays, music, farming ~ and all the subspecies thereof … I think today feels like this because I did not have (okay, FINE) … TAKE the time to do something for me, something I wanted to do that would help keep me and yesterday on an even keel.

Odd how fast I have become accustomed to doing something for me on a daily basis.

Now I just need to figure out how to deal with the guilt that comes with it ~ not just from me, but from those around me that can not seem understand why I am doing this…

Feels like…good~ other than that little bit of guilt.


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