here’s hoping…

Busy today, doing stupid things, doing anything just to keep myself going, so I can be tired by the end of the day…

I do not mean to be ungrateful, and I seriously love my mother, but… I can not stay here much longer without killing myself ~ unintentionally, but killing me nonetheless.

I can’t take the stress of being around her, and I have discovered that while she is “helping’ me, she is also driving me further and further into debt on the only credit card I have…

Stupid part is ~ that I did not realize this until just this week…I had NO clue that I was allowing this to happen.

**sigh**

it is terribly hard when you finally figure out that you’re stupid…

So…the dream of training horses is still alive as long as I have a place to keep the three horses I have, and …

yeah.

I am going to keep deluding myself on that point for now, that dream can wait for the crash until after Christmas. I have to deal with not having any Christmas at all this year first… I can not even bring myself to help my mom decorate her house…

well, that is mostly because anything I do she undoes, or tells me it is not right, or…

**shrug** yeah. you get the idea.

On a waiting list for an apartment, but we have to get rid of all the animals, my mom is not capable of taking care of them ~ but a place to live will be good, ya know?

**sigh**

so…yeah, I am just having a hard time with it all.

I am off to feed the horses, and shovel fertilizer… whee!

Anyways… here’s to hope.

~:-)

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