Every once in awhile I wait too long to do my laundry.
So it was last week. In my own defense, I was insanely busy…
When I wait too long, odd things happen ~ like… I have to wear things I normally would not, due to their… er… shall I say “body enhancing” properties?
In other words, ALL I had clean that particular morning was a bra specifically designed to enhance my …er… assets.
Possessed by the pressure of “having” to go get hay, I put the thing on, threw on a ratty thermal shirt and what truly is my rattiest of ratty T-shirts on over the top, and away I went.
Merrily I might add, for the snow had begun to fall, and I LOVE snow…
I hopped in the truck, started it up and “VROOOM!!!” ~
A few odd things happened ~ Like… when I went to shift the gears on the truck, my right
boo er… twin would shift a bit toward the left…
yes, yes, I KNOW that is normal… but is it normal to feel as though it would stay over on the left side?
On down the highway I go, and with a little push on the left twin, the right twin went back to where it was supposed to be…
I reach to shift gears…
The same thing happens again. Right side goes left and stays.
As fate would have it, I hit ALL the stoplights between here and Wenatchee…
I “shifted, stuck, pushed and popped” for the next 22 miles, and in no way did I yet attribute this to the body armor that was enhancing my properties either.
By the time I got to the city limits, the snow was coming down heavily, the traffic was terrible…I am shifting gears constantly, and to make matters worse, the left twin has taken to mimicking the right.
I finally arrive at the stoplight by the Freddies and there is a traffic backup… I was able to stop shifting the truck for a few…
I go to reach for my coffee, and I when I looked down to check for my cup, I hit my chin on my chest.
I kid you not. My boobs are “enhanced” all the way up under my chin.
THROUGH the hole in the rattiest t-shirt I own they are doing the best shelf impression I have ever witnessed, and to make matters worse, they strongly resembled a buttcrack…The light dawned, I finally realized it was the bra.
Much to the amusement of the man in the next lane (big “enhanced” four by four truck, looking down into MY truck..and no, I did not look before I took action… **Sigh**) I shove each twin back where they belong…
RIPPING through the very ratty thermal that I had on under the ratty t-shirt…leaving the twins quite exposed.
With no way to cover the now gaping holes in both my shirts, I endured through until traffic began to move again.
I made it to the Palisades with no more stops, and very little shifting.
Two bales into the 24 bale ton, (much to my dismay) I have popped out of the bra again and having the girls pushed up that high put them SERIOUSLY in the way~my boobs kept getting caught on EVERYTHING… I was TOTALLY annoyed.
We wrapped it up, and I shoved everything back in ~ and began the drive home.
**shift, pop, push, pop ~ shift, pop, push, pop**
About the second light I gave up, and making sure my vest was zipped, I ignored myself.
I have discovered the secret to wearing Victorias Secret ~ It is not to wear that brand if one has a normal life.
Said bra now resides in the box destined for the Good Will ~ though I did find an alternative use…
The stupid thing would make a great hay bag ~ I musta had an entire flake stuck in there with me.