Now, before you read any further, if you are easily offended ~ do not read on, for this post is about …
And if you have a problem with revenge ~ do not read on.
~:-) You have been warned…
Every once in a while, I am given the opportunity to do “paybacks” in kind.
Not always do I know who my benefactor is ~ I can guess from the company I keep usually ~ dog, cat, horse, human…
Recently, my family has had some pretty huge upsets of the intestinal kind.
Stress does this to things ~ and in my case, it has done this to my animals.
For the past month, my schedule has been worse than insane. We went from me being home most of the time, with regular sleeping hours to me being gone more often than not, and me sleeping whenever there is a spare moment.
Top that with a radical change of food and the systems functions of the cats and dog are pretty much whack.
And NEVER do any of them seem to have to poop, or fart when I am NOT home. I am blessed with animals that save all their bodily functions just to share with me…
AFTER I am in bed at midnight.
For THREE weeks straight, the cats have waited to crawl into the litter box ~ one right after the other ~ until after I have gone to bed.
**scratch scratch scratch**
I mean… one cat is bad enough, but two? One right after another? OH COME ON!!! REALLY????!!!!!
THREE WEEKS people… THREE FUHREAKING WEEKS of this.
Now, to make things worse, the dog has begun doing the same, only (logically) she does not have a box, so I must get out of bed, or face the consequences of any rash decision I might make about not believing she REALLY has to go out NOOOOOOOOOW!!!
Of course, leading UP to the “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!” are the toxic emissions that the EPA REALLY should think about monitoring ~
In her dreams I am sure that Sassy is happily running about, herding cats ~ in reality, she is lying on the foot of my bed, ass end TOWARD me, pooting away, killing off my few remaining brain cells…
Oddly enough, the cats do not notice that the dog stinks.
(Of course, if I took a nuclear dump inside an enclosed box on a daily basis, the smell receptors in my nose would probably be dead too…and by the way? An enclosed box is NOT the answer to the smell…)
So last night…
I came home from work and had a beer. My last one until payday.
I THOROUGHLY enjoyed the WHOLE BOTTLE of beer.
And my chips and salsa.
And my burrito(s).
BEAN (vegetarian style) BURRITO… finished as I watched the 11 o’clock news.
We go upstairs.
We settle in for the night.
One by one the cats do their little dump run.
They come back to bed, it is cold up here in the PNW, so they crawl UNDER the covers… (see where this is going???)
Dog has to go out.
We go out.
We all go back to bed, dog begins herding cats…
Cats are sleeping, one in each armpit. (UNDER the covers!!!!)
Blankets tucked securely around my neck so I do not commit unintentional suicide, I let it rip.
BOTH cats go shooting out from under the covers, waking up the dog, who investigates the source of the smell…
I let it rip again, directly at the dog.
Dog retreats to her kennel, cats … I have NO clue where they ended up.
Whoever said revenge is sweet has never visited my house.
Lucky … for them.