Breathing is highly overrated…

I get home pretty late at night and my critters (I love them) meet me at the door, happy and wiggly and wonderfully demonstrative about seeing me after SOOOOO long a time (what… 6 hours??)

Extremely gratifying?

yeah.

Though over the years, I have learned that this is always a warning sign ~ especially when my cats do it. Why I do not ever remember this until to late is really beyond my comprehension… WAY beyond…

Last evening I come home from the show ~ we commune, we eat, we snuggle … I change my fur and we crawl into bed.

Everyone arranges themselves according to custom ~ dog on my feet, a cat on each side of me, touching my shoulders with some part of their bodies…

Under normal circumstances, when I move, the cats move ~ sometimes they grumble about it, but I brush that aside ~ after all, I AM the boss, the master, the idiot that thinks she knows all…

**sigh**

I was nearly asleep, comfortable for the first time all day…

We (Big Cat) wants what the lowly They (Little Cat) have.

Oh wait! WE want BOTH armpits… after all, WE are large and IMPRESSIVE (read: ton of lard) in size, and WE own everything because WE are older and been with HER (Me) LONGER…

Fine and dandy logic, but!

Little Cat doesn’t want to move. It is (after all!) warm where THEY are, and as THEY do not have a ton of lard to keep them warm, THEY are going to stay EXACTLY where THEY are, and WE can be damned!

**sigh**

Generally, these things do not last very long ~ I try to let them settle it, for as with all children ~ if I interfere, things are NOT right and it takes for-EVER…

So Big Cat, she insists… from the middle of MY chest ~ (the one that doesn’t feel so hot to begin with?) that she WANTS Little Cat to leave the space.

(LE OW!!)

Tired of the whole thing, I launch Big Cat off the side of the bed.

I then launch Little Cat off the other side of the bed.

Thinking I had won (WHY do I do that to myself??) I settle back…

Only to have BOTH cats come and sit in the middle of my chest ~ directly on my sternum.

Not a “thud” and “thud” but a “THUD” ~

(CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!)

My spastic movements of writhing pain then alerted the dog there was a problem, and half awake, she took it upon herself to rid me the evil that was OBVIOUSLY attacking me…

eyah… satisfyed that she chased the evil away, she wound up sitting directly in the center of my chest, grinning her cat poo breath all over me like she had conquered the devil himself…

*sigh*

SO!!!

I very calmly got up…

put the dog in her kennel…

tossed the cats out in the garage…

and went back to bed.

yes.

I am lying.

Though I imagine swearing at full voice would have been more effective if I had waited to be able to actually BREATHE to do so…

Sheesh!

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